i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize