rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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