Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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