I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
