found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
