The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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