perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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