You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
