There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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