we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
