Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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