OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
