shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
