hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
