i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this boner is exhausting
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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