the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
