Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
