Someone shit on the floor
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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