I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
