The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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