someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
