we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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