I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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