I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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