The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
