we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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