Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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