it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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