Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize