My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
