I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
