Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This is the high leading the old right now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize