I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
