It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
