i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
