Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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