On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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