Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
