I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
