Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
