I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
