Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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