How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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