Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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