Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize