yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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