I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
