I feel like abortions should bother me more
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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