Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
they need to just BURY HIM!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
