Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
