would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
