woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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