U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize