I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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