halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
