Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
