I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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