also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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