Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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