I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
