you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As shirtless as possible
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
