i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
