I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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