you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am one with the molecules
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
