i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
