I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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