oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
