she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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