Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
